Being Left out Hurts: Let’s Stop Social Engineering

This is around the corner for me.

Talking about my daughter all the time was a passion of mine when she was first born. I was definitely obsessed. Like any mother would be. That transition from being an individual and then being a parent. Wow. I’m almost 7 and half years in and I am still in awe. The shock has waned but that was something! That stark before and after aspect of your life is so extreme, so raw, so exciting. There was nothing else to do but have your mind first and foremost be thinking about your offspring. It’s biological. It’s incredible and then for some it passes. Time moves on. Your newborn, teeny weeny little one, starts to crawl, walk, talk, learn, have opinions, meet people you don’t know, have experiences you aren’t there for and snap! you’re obsessed but in a slightly less obsessive manner.

And then middle school starts, so it would seem. I’m three and a half years away which, now, as the mother of two, is no time at all. It’s here.

I smiled when I read this piece about mothers being held responsible for bullying, leaving a child out, and wanting to be a part of the group. The smile was because I sensed this was coming up. I think it’s already happening a bit in elementary school. As a wise soul, diagnosed so by her very self (so take this with a grain of sea salt – not kosher salt the really thick salt!), I am prepared for this. On the one hand, it’s true you want to take your two hands to your head and tear your hair to say, “Really?! We are doing this to each other AGAIN?”

And then your realize patterns don’t change, people don’t change. What we know is when we ourselves were young and in school and under 18, we had to grow up even though we hadn’t yet lead a life filled with experiences in the world. And now, we are the grown ups but our experiences from our growing up days and our days as grown ups sometimes doesn’t allow us to see it from the perspective of a grown up.

We are intertwined with our kids and our memories from grade school. It might be hard to separate out. This is you and that was me. Maybe it’s hard to have perspective when you are parenting a middle schooler. I don’t know and I plan to be prepared as I find out.