This is Happening (Depressing version)

The day my first published piece was posted on The Mid this incredibly sad and depressing article about Bill Cosby’s victims was published by New York Magazine.

The dichotomy of the fun, fluff that I hope got many laughs (and did, so I was told) with the beyond heartbreaking, maddening, devastating stories – well, that broke me. The yin and the yang of it is why the word dichotomy and the phrase yin and yang came to be.

The listicle is so pointless to the point that of course, because it is mine, I love it and am so happy with its silliness. The New York Magazine article could be seen as pointless too but in an entirely different way. It’s pointless to try to come up with reasons why. It’s pointless to try to go back in time to put that guy away. It’s pointless to take away his power or his celebrity or his fame or his money.

I can’t even read the other piece. I am weak and shallow. I can’t take the heat.
Why should I have to read it? Why should I take it?!
I’d read enough when I read two accounts about a month ago.
I have nothing to prove.
I think Bill Cosby is scum and I am scared of rape. I am scared for myself and my daughter. Why, oh, why did I have to have a daughter? She has a female body. She is vulnerable just by having that body. No matter what it wears, where it walks, what it says, how it feels. She has that body.
Why can’t she just go the beach with me for the rest of her life?
Rainy days, partly cloudy days, sunny days.
Let’s just do that.
I’m lazy. I like the sand in between my toes. I don’t know what else I like as much.
I do NOT like rape stories and yet, they are everywhere.
What the hell is wrong with this world that we haven’t figured this out?
How did this man continue to do this to over 35 people year in and year out?
What is our issue with money and power?
I guess that it is why it is called power.
You can do whatever the hell you want.
Maybe that is why power is so scary to some people.
“Oh shit. I have no self control. Whatever would I do with all that power?
I would probably do something evil and wrong. I would bend my ethics, I would become a douchebag. Power would not agree with me.”
And maybe that is why I am scared. I am a grown woman but scared.
What people can do.
What one human with power can do to another without power.
Easily. Stealthily. For a long, long time. Over years and years.
Even when people are saying, “Hey look at that. Listen to this. Get him to stop doing that!”
So fine. It’s done. This one man is (hopefully) done doing what he has done.
So many women destroyed and hurt. So many scared and over-alert.
So many down and out. So many. Too many.
What can I do? I have a daughter. Can I shield her from powerful people? Can I take away her freedoms so she doesn’t get hurt?
I’ll put on a show. I’ll fake it until I can make it and I’ll demonstrate confidence.
It’s my body. It’s your own body.
Be careful of people you trust. There. That’s it.
That is what it is. Be careful of people you don’t think you have to be careful around.

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